My flea market booth would be called “Flea For All”

Welcome to the best trip you’ll ever take.

Truth be told, the Circle Flea Fair did not display her finest form today.  The light spitting rain seemed to keep most of the true color at bay.  The gentle plains of the parking lot probably saw 30% capacity.  This did not perturb me.  I knew that the true market warriors would be there, hell or high water.  I do not write this review as someone who feels superior or above the type of people who frequent these freakshows.  On the contrary.  I feel as if these ARE my people.  We may differ in manner of dress or sentiment, but we’re all God’s children and we all recognize the beauty behind a pair of 80 cent socks or old 45’s baking in the sun.

So please don’t feel as if I am disparaging anyone.  No matter what I say in this post.  I genuinely do love people and I have a constant and ever-burning love affair with the Flea People borne out of necessity.  It is a necessity of self-preservation:  everytime Matt visits Pennsylvania he wants to attend this fair Fair.  And so what used to be a predictable activity is now so much more, due to my honed skill as a People Watcher.  Enjoy this brief tour into bliss:

 

You see a lot of multi-toned vehicles at this place.  Note the luscious pine in the foreground and the slowly undulating mass of bargain hunters below.

 

Sometimes there is actually totally cool, old stuff for sale.  However cool that bike is, this vendor gets a D- for presentation for his laziness and the fact that he can’t see it in his heart to erect some sort of card table for his wares.  Even worse are the vendors who just throw shit directly onto the gravel.  At least homeboy’s got a tarp.

 

The whitetrash bric-a-brac you were promised.  It’s always a mixture of dubious crystal, bizarre feline sculptures and beer bottles.  No, really.

 

I like to call this booth “Patriots ‘N Angels”.  A+ presentation.

 

What a great idea to buy an 18 year old vacuum!  I watched the transaction – our friend was pleased as punch to steal this fine specimen away from its unsavory owner.  I had to follow him at he patiently wheeled it across the entire market.  Congratulations, champ.

 

Why yes, I do in fact have an unlimited need for a framed portrait of a panda bear.  And that previously used Body Slide.

 

Hey – what’s this conference all about?  I think I see something in the middle of that group of fine specimens, but I’m…. I’m just not sure…

 

Oh!  Of course.  It’s just a PARROT that I spied in the photo previously.  Nice use of the towel to protect your tye dye!  Bringing a PARROT to a flea market is just totally no big thing, at all.  I heard the lady say, proudly, “He knows not to bite Mommy.”  Indeed.

 

I hope you enjoyed learning about the flea market as much as I enjoyed teaching you.

The Land of Chocolate and Rollercoasters

yesterday i managed to convince legit scientists to abandon their lab and their noble pursuits to help people with cancer. we drove two and a half miles north to hershey park, instead! milton hershey built this amusement park for his employees in the early 1900s but in time it has rightfully morphed into a place that endlessly satisfies me.

and the air smells like chocolate.

matt and i went with our friends kyle and julie to pennsylvania’s finest offering of rollercoasters. i talked a big game but when we arrived at the park and for the next 6 hours i was a ball of nerves before each and every ride. we kept switching up partners on the rides and i felt like the outcast or everybody’s Weird Cousin because of the panicked riot i kept causing. matt, kyle and julie kept gamely stepping up and sacrificing themselves as my partner. thanks, guys!

my favorite ride was called storm runner. not only did it have a logo of an angry, erratic runaway horse, it started you off with these scary heartbeat noises and a guy’s voice who sounded like it would be best in a radio car commercial. and then i launched you from 0 to 70mph in literally two seconds. it honest to god felt like you were hellaciously launching yourself to mars. here’s a photo, it’s not something i’ll ever be proud of, but it really represents the day well:

kyle is sitting next to me, poised, confident and even gleeful. matt and julie are happily in front of us. and i am squinching my eyes shut so far that it looks like i don’t have any eyebrows. and my hair is straight atop my head. it was THAT fast. fortunately i managed to open my eyes soon after. just in time to see us plummeting to the ground.

i’m a bit perturbed that we didn’t get a group photo with one of the walking/dancing chocolate figures whose core inhabitant was obviously knocked up on hallucinogens just to get through the day.

hershey park has recently built a terrible little water park extension that borders two of the coasters we wanted to see. there was a ginger kid conspiracy in the water park. and way too many people stuffing themselves into cheap lycra and then parading around unapologetically on the blinding concrete. also swimsuit-clad smokers attempting to stuff themselves into the tiny smokers’ pavilion. fully clothed, and with far superior sets of DNA, my friends and i felt like the hottest people in the universe parading through that mess.

i made matt pose like this getting off the wildcat, but i know deep down he really wanted to do it, anyway.

then i was finally ready for fahrenheit. their new coaster that just opened up in may. the first thing they do is pull you up at a 90 degree angle so that your face is literally just at the sky. i tried to clock it and i think the time it takes is a ghoulish 12-13 seconds. immediately after you make it to the top, they drop you on a 93 degree hill, the steepest in the U.S. yep! that’s all true.

matt abandoned me to sit in the front row with kyle, but i was happy with julie because she was so uncannily relaxed and calm. she soothed my nerves until the moment we were belted in with nowhere to go. then she mildly freaked. i felt like a pregant woman whose husband abandons her at a crucial contraction. “listen to me!” i barked at her. “i NEED you right now. don’t do this to me!” and it worked. i scared her out of being scared.

anyway we survived it and i was so proud of us. here’s a picture of me standing in line for this beast. i have my mouth open because i’m yelling at matt to take the photo already. note the people going STRAIGHT up into hell:

all in all it was a fantastic day! kyle, you’re like our joint BFF, though you really just tried the bare minimum at calming me down prior to our storm runner launch by saying ‘remember the bird?’ yes i remember the bird but the bird isn’t here! ha.

all kidding aside it was the best, with the best people and i want to be back there! eternally.